Confessions of an X-Primary President

This post was written soon after my release, but due to wanting to make sure it said what I wanted it to say, I am not publishing it until now.  It is NOT meant to bag on anyone that I worked with.  I’m just trying to show the real face of church service sometimes.  

I was our ward’s primary president for just about 17 months.  While that may seem like a long time to some people, I had planned on being in probably around 3 years.  That seemed to be the average.  My bishop called me in 2 weeks ago to extend the release and I was ELATED (VERY happy, that entire day) during the week I started to have serious feelings of self doubt.  I wondered if I had done something wrong, if I hadn’t steered the primary in the direction God wanted.  If I hadn’t worked hard enough which, I mostly set-aside — I had really done EVERYTHING I could do in that calling.  Honestly, If the bishop wanted someone who would work harder at it, he needed someone different.

I texted a friend/counselor of mine (who knew I was getting released) who reminded me those thoughts are insane.

I then began to just mull the reasons for my release over in my mind.  Like a rock tumbler, until the edges were smooth.

Primary was the hardest calling I had ever had.  It stretched me in ways I didn’t want to be stretched and for a variety of reasons I was EXTREMELY unhappy in the calling by the time I got released.

But it came to me.  It came slowly and then it came HARD when I listened to a Maroon 5 song the following day.  God loved me enough to release me.  It wasn’t that I had done something wrong or something between me and the bishop {who, I am sure we would both say butted heads a few times}.  It was actually that very bishop that made me want to scream so many times, that was able to listen to the spirit and release me.  I never would have asked for a release.  In all honesty, I think I would have worked until I left the church.  There were maybe 4 people who knew how unhappy I was, how my heart had sprung a leak and I wasn’t able to fill it up.  I had lost faith in the gospel, in His church and in His plan for me.  I hated being at church.  I would text friends and wonder why I was doing this and how long it would take for me to find the love of the gospel again.  They just hoped I would…

And so, in my hindsight — here are my 5 truths of being the primary president:

1. Delegate.  My bishop pushed hard that we delegate.  I tried.  My counselors were each over sections of primary, but I would always get the emails and phone calls.  I wish I would have passed more of that on.  I hate it when someone passes the buck but I think for my sanity I should have passed it much more often. They were willing.  It was me.  FIND ways to delegate.  Just pass the emails off, tell the teachers to text one of your counselors when they aren’t going to show up.  Give your secretary what you need done, and call a 2nd if you need it.

2.  Talk to the bishop.  This is the first time I have a bishop that was a peer before he was a bishop.  I am also wonderful friends with his wife.  We are SO different (and honestly, I bet on the surface most people feel like we would get along really well because we are both outgoing and funny).  I once had a really strong experience with a bishop once that reminded me that He was God’s worker, not just a man.  I couldn’t overcome the peer status/husband of a bff/ him being part of my problem to go in and talk to him and tell him how crazy I had gotten.  I just died inside. That was dumb.  I can promise you that if I had a problem like this at work I would CERTAINLY talk to my manager, but somehow church turned off that in me….

3.  Find the love.  Primary is about children, and loving them.  It’s not about spreadsheets.  I should have maybe seen a little bit more of the bishop’s big picture instead of wallowing our lack of teachers or things were unable to do to our “best“.  The kids just want to enjoy primary and feel the spirit.  I didn’t stick to these overriding principals as well as I had hoped I would.  Don’t sweat the small stuff, unless it’s a sunbeam.  Then give them a hug. 🙂

4. Callings are often for others.  I think the call to primary is a hard one for many people to take on.  Especially moms of young children.  I am surrounded by kids on all angles.  I knew from the beginning that this calling was for them, less so for me (although I learned plenty).  I’m a good teacher of little kids.  They needed that.  In reality, dealing with kids was the least on my list of problems.

5.  Primary is important.  Don’t ever think that primary is babysitting so the rest of the church can function.  It is the MOST important part of the church.  If you help kids see, that by choosing the right, their life will be easier and more blessed you can set them on a path for that the rest of their lives.  When you teach a child what the spirit is, and to seek that in their lives you open a whole new world for them.  When times are hard, they might hear the 4th article of faith song come into their lives.

And here I sit, the new ward webmaster {snort}.  I’m SO grateful that God looks out for me, and knew when I was done.  God truly doesn’t give us more than we can handle.  He will whisper it to a bishop, He will tell a friend, He always watches out for us.  I have 100% knowledge in this although I must admit it did waver.  But, sometimes you have to waver to get a little stronger.