The Art of Confrontation: Tough Conversations With Confidence

On this episode of The Pulling Curls Podcast, host Hilary Erickson talks about the dynamics of confrontation and how to handle tough conversations. As a nurse and mother of three, she shares valuable tips for navigating confrontational situations, whether it’s with healthcare providers, office staff, or in other areas of life. Whether you’re pregnant or just looking to improve your communication skills, this episode provides practical advice for untangling confrontation.

Find it here on Apple or Spotify Podcasts

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Timestamps:

00:00 Address confrontation discomfort with pregnancy and parenting.
05:44 Doctor struggles with patient’s unwanted c-section decision.
06:33 Yelling at clerk like you yell at kids.

Keypoints:

1. Confrontation can be challenging, but it’s essential to address situations assertively.
2. It’s important to separate emotions from facts when dealing with confrontation in professional settings.
3. Both parties in a confrontational situation usually want the same outcome, which can help establish common ground.
4. After a confrontation, it’s helpful to clarify the next steps and understand each party’s understanding of the resolution.
5. Approaching confrontations with the assumption that the other party is well-intentioned can lead to better outcomes.
6. Stick to the facts, like a detective, when addressing confrontational situations.
7. Tears should be avoided in confrontations if possible, but in certain situations, they can be effective.
8. It’s crucial to address confrontations assertively, just as it is important to communicate assertively with children.
9. Developing skills for holding tough conversations is essential for effective confrontation.
10. The upcoming episodes will address topics such as induction stories and fear-based parenting.

Producer: Drew Erickson

Transcript

[00:00:00.690] – Hilary Erickson

Hey, guys. Welcome back to the Pulling Curls podcast. Today on episode 230, we are talking about confrontation. So let’s untangle it.

[00:00:10.330] – Hilary Erickson

Hi, I’m Hilary, a serial overcomplicator. I’m also a nurse, mom to three, and the curly head behind Pulling Curls and the pregnancy nurse. This podcast aims to help us stop overcomplicating things and remember how much easier it is to keep things simple. Let’s smooth out those snarls with Pregnancy and Parenting Untangled, the Pulling Curls podcast.

[00:00:38.520] – Hilary Erickson

I have so many friends who tell me all the time, I’m just not good at confrontation, Hilary. And I’m always like, I don’t think anyone’s born being good at confrontation, but at the same effect, we don’t tend to have issues being confrontational with our kids, right? We’re happy to tell our kids what we need from them and what we need them to do. It’s when we get in a business setting or talking to a stranger that we just start to clam up.

[00:01:05.190] – Hilary Erickson

So first off, I want you to stop telling yourself that you’re bad at confrontation. If that’s something that comes out in your run-of-the-mill conversation, stop it. There’s no reason to keep saying that. I bet you’re good at confrontation, just not good at confrontation with an office staff member, the person at the insurance, your doctor, things like this. This episode is definitely for my pregnant friends because I know a lot of you are like, Well, I don’t know how to say that without feeling like a You don’t need to. Let’s just talk about it.

[00:01:33.160] – Hilary Erickson

So I’m going to give you some tips on dealing with confrontation. I will say that being a labor and delivery nurse made me really good at confrontation. I consistently had to talk with doctors, had to have those hard conversations on behalf of my patients or just on behalf of you’re not doing the right thing. So I’m excited to give you guys some tips.

[00:01:53.730] – Hilary Erickson

Also, I will say that when I’m with anybody or especially in my family, everyone Someone’s like, Hilary’s going to do the hard talking because she’s good at it. My first thing is to stick to the facts. Don’t feel like you need to bombard them with your feelings. People don’t need to hear your feelings.

[00:02:13.110] – Hilary Erickson

Now, that’s different than if you’re having a conversation with a loved one that needs to care about your feelings or does care about your feelings, then that matters.

[00:02:20.590] – Hilary Erickson

But if you’re talking to the office staff lady, she doesn’t need to know about your feelings. And I will say that a lot of people tend to get their feelings wrapped up in it. And I totally understand that because it is personal to you. It’s not personal to them. It’s just business. They’re just following the policies or whatever. So try to not get your feelings wrapped up into it. Try not to cry, which is easier said than done. I understand. But try not to get those feelings into it. Just state the facts almost like you are a detective. We found the body here. We found the murder weapon there. So you’re just stating the facts of the situation.

[00:02:57.840] – Hilary Erickson

So when you’re talking with your provider, you can say, I’m super uncomfortable, and I would like a 39-week induction. And if they say, I don’t want to do that, then you start saying, Well, it looks like ACOG recommends it. You’re just starting to bring up the facts. You’re not saying, They’re just so miserable and crying to them. That being said, tears in the right situation can be effective, I will say.

[00:03:21.240] – Hilary Erickson

And the second thing is almost all the time we want the same outcome. The person I’m talking to and me want the same outcome. So let’s say you’re talking to an office member and something went wrong with the service you were provided. Let’s say you’re talking to the front desk. They want you to be happy. They want you to have had a good experience, and you want to have a good experience also. They would just prefer not to give you every amenity along the same things.

[00:03:45.500] – Hilary Erickson

But ultimately, your goal of happiness is usually the same for both of you. So trying to remember that really helps set the situation in a good place in the beginning. And you can even state that, I understand that you want me to have a good experience here. You can even shove in a compliment at that point in time. We had a really great experience at check-in, but then we went in my room and there are roaches or something like that.

[00:04:08.500] – Hilary Erickson

And then I think it’s really important to, after you’ve had this confrontational moment, however you’re viewing that, to then have a conversation about what that person got out of the conversation and what you got out of the conversation.

[00:04:22.460] – Hilary Erickson

So heading back to the, you have roaches in your hotel room, right? You’re going to say, Okay, my understanding is that We are going to get a new room. You’re going to find which room you’re going to put us in, and then you’re going to let us know. In the meantime, we will start packing up our things and we will move to that new room, right? Or, You are going to cancel our reservation here, and we found a new one, and we will not be charged anything for that room at this time, right?

[00:04:47.870] – Hilary Erickson

And then they’re going to come back with, Oh, no, I didn’t know you were switching hotel rooms. We’re still going to charge you for one night. So that you end the situation clarifying exactly what’s going to happen. And then, of course, you get Betty at the front desk, you get her name, and you write those notes down in your phone so that if later you end up getting billed, you have Betty’s name. It’s just another fact to add to your confrontation list.

[00:05:14.060] – Hilary Erickson

So as a reminder, telling people that you want something different than how it happened is something we all need to get better at. We also don’t need to come at them thinking, This is a horrible hotel room. These people want me to suffer. I think in general, if we came an understanding that these are good people, they’re trying to do a good job, just stuff happens. If you’re assuming the best of people, it usually works out better.

[00:05:37.960] – Hilary Erickson

I will say that of doctors, that when I came at them with like, You are a big fat jerk. I can’t believe you’re doing this to the patient. Whereas if I was more like, Hey, I don’t really understand why she needs a C-section right now. Can you help me to understand? She’s in there crying saying she doesn’t want the C-section. Again, that’s a fact that she’s in there crying, not wanting the C-section, and that should be their job to take care of it.

[00:06:02.320] – Hilary Erickson

So learning to have these conversations without stress or being nervous on top of all of it can really help us out. And I think ultimately, we’re going to be happier with how our lives are living after.

[00:06:13.210] – Hilary Erickson

So come find me on Instagram. How are you in confrontation? Do any of these things give you more ideas about how to have tough conversations? Because that’s really all confrontation is. It’s a conversation that you don’t really want to have. And we’ve labeled that confrontation versus when I’m telling my kids to get the room clean, I’m not dying inside, probably because it happens so often. So you could look at it the same way. You’re just yelling at that clerk, just like you yell at your kids. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.

[00:06:43.240] – Hilary Erickson

Stay tuned. Next week, we are talking about my induction story and what we can learn about inductions from it. And then the week after that, we are talking about fear-based parenting, so stay tuned.

[00:06:53.610] – Hilary Erickson

Thanks for joining us on the Pulling Curls podcast today. If you liked today’s episode, please consider reviewing, sharing, subscribing. It really helps our podcast grow. Thank you.

Keywords:

confrontation, communication, assertiveness, pregnant, labor and delivery, healthcare provider, office staff, emotions, facts, negotiation, confrontation tips, difficult conversations, customer service, problem resolution, conflict resolution, confrontation skills, confrontation strategies, tough conversations, inductions, fear-based parenting, hospital experience, patient advocacy, assertive communication, assertiveness training, interpersonal skills, parenting challenges, emotional intelligence, self-advocacy, assertive behavior