It’s your first time being pregnant and you entirely feel like a fish out of water — I totally understand that! Even as a nurse (although I wasn’t a labor nurse on my first baby) was L-O-S-T — but I nodded my head a lot like I understood to not feel like a complete failure in something I was “made” to do…. I’m just saying I’m real glad you’re here let’s chat about it.
But, why should you listen to me? — from a blog called Pulling Curls®? Hi, I’m Hilary — most people know me as The Pregnancy Nurse®. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of labor and delivery experience. I now am an online prenatal educator through articles, videos and a birth class that are aimed to get ALL moms prepared (but first time moms, you have a special place in my heart).
Before we get going I can hang out with you the rest of your pregnancy…. let me join you right here:
You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know
This is the hardest part of doing something the first time — and that includes:
- Going to high school (we’ve all been there)
- Driving a car
- Going on a trip to a new location….
Remember how you felt the first time you did those things. Everything was new — and you just slowly navigated the new-ness of it all.
Maybe you found an older friend who helped you (a big high five to the band kids that helped me in high school).
Maybe you took a great class (big high five to Coach Nelson who helped me in Driver’s ed when my car stalled and I hit the curb on the test track).
Maybe you read some books or found some reviews of more experienced people. Like, I share tons of Disney stuff for people going to Disney for the first time….
But, looking back you conquered high school (or at least made it through), you drive on your own and you may have found a new favorite spot after visiting there on vacation.
I totally recommend finding someone who knows a lot more than you, and has a good amount of experience in the birth space to tell you what you need to know.
I don’t want to toot my own horn (ok, maybe as a band kid I do), but someone like me….
I know now what you don’t know. After sitting at the bedside of thousands of patients I know the pitfalls it’s so easy to fall into. So, I made this. Learn what you don’t know — and get prepared!
Want to know more about me and my background — learn about me here.
Approach Birth Stories with Caution
Now, with that last tip it can be SUPER tempting to listen to friends and their birth stories. But I know 3 facts about birth stories:
- Their birth isn’t your birth — just because a few friends had something happen on their birth does NOT mean it’s normal or will happen in your birth.
- They often only share the low points — too often birth stories turn into horror stories, and that isn’t helpful in this instance.
- They change with time — just as with any good story they do change with time…. so be wary.
I do think they naturally come out as people learn that you’re pregnant, they want to “prepare” you to give birth (but I know you’re smarter than that — and will look for a better source for preparation).
My best tip about birth stories:
Feel free to stop them.
I doubt you’ve asked for them, so if you find yourself getting anxious or scared by what they’re sharing feel free to say — “ok, we need to stop this isn’t helping.”
This also gives them feedback that maybe their story isn’t as helpful as they thought it would be.
As it says above, approach them with caution. Some friends WILL have good tips, but their tips may or may not apply to what your situation ultimately is…
Or, just ask for the positive parts, to help you have something to focus on! I am a big fan of staying positive:
Your Partner Is a Newbie Too!
For SOME people their partner has already had a baby, but for MOST of them it’s their first time too.
(Even if they’ve had a baby before with someone else, they may carry some trauma from that birth or relationship so a fresh start is important).
Be sure to involve them.
Rarely are dads sharing birth stories. Frankly, it’s just not something boys think about (and who can blame them — I wouldn’t want to either!).
But it’s really important that THEY are prepared too.
A few tips on this:
- Send them social videos or articles that were helpful for you (you can find me on Tiktok, Instagram and Youtube) — this is a great way to tiptoe into them getting prepared too
- Get a class that includes them — I recommend this one.
- Sign them up for my partner tips below:
What I’m MOSTLY saying is to not forget them.
They don’t WANT to be the dad scrolling on their phone while you’re in pain, but they need a little prep so you can be a dynamic duo!
Ask Questions of EVERYONE
I know, I know — I just said to approach birth stories with caution but this is different!
I’m talking about the office staff at your provider’s office, the nurse who checks you in, all that jazz.
Often the most juicy tips come from nurses or other medical staff in the office. You can really ask them ANYTHING that you’re wondering. Like, when your appointments will be, or when you’ll have an ultrasound…. all the things can be asked, and you’re paying them so don’t hesitate to ask!
I will say one of the BIGGEST experts are the labor nurses. SO if you go to labor and delivery for ANY reason ask away — you don’t have to just keep your questions to your current visit. Ask about hospital policies, what to bring, all those things.
Of course, ALSO ask your provider all the questions. Super smart to have them in a note on your phone, or in a planner so you can be concise in the room. We know those appointments aren’t long (which is why learning the basics is SO important so you can focus on YOU).
Also, grab my provider tips right here:
I want to be REALLY clear that I think providers are really doing the best they can given the conditions they have. You can’t expect your doctor or midwife to prepare you for ALL of birth. I recommend some simple prep on your end, and then they can answer the questions specific to you after that!
Be Sure to Listen to Experts!
Ok, finally it’s time to really focus on the experts. To find someone (like myself) who can really guide you through what you need to know without scaring you (or boring you to death, which I find with a lot of people).
When I went to our church camp for the first time we had something called “snipe hunting” where they talked it up all day and then took us out in the dark to have us run around trying to “hunt” them and then they finally told us it was a lie and just an initiation into girls camp.
We felt foolish, and silly…. we wish we hadn’t believed them…. and frankly, I feel like a lot of birth people are that way. They tell you…
- You HAVE to have a doula (not true, and was never in the finances for us)
- A birth plan will make that birth happen (also not true, but I talk more about them here)
- Doctors are out to get you and you have to be so scared of them (SO not true)
The thing is, they do that for clicks. They do that to keep you following them (well, hello tiktok).
The thing is, birth is simple when you learn from someone who REALLY understands it.
Communicating with providers can also be very simple — again — if you learn from someone who’s an expert.
Even all the things that can happen in birth are pretty simple if you learn from an expert.
It’s not snipe hunting. It’s about feeling confident and comfortable in your labor room. It’s about not being SCARED about the labor rom, it’s about feeing prepared.
That’s what The Online Prenatal Class for Couples is for!
- Priced right for first time parents with lots to purchase (SO important to me)
- Available at any time to easily mesh into your busy schedules
- A one-stop shop for all things pregnancy and birth (no having to get a birth class, baby or breastfeeding class in different spots, get them all together in the bundle)
Not sure we’re a good fit check out my free class — It’s your first step towards being your own birth boss.
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