So, you’re having another baby? CONGRATULATIONS!!!! BUT things are likely different this time around — today I wanted to share a few things that may catch you off guard as you’re pregnant with number 2+ — and some ways to combat anything you find to be problematic. Hang in there friend, this is going to be worth it!
It Is More.
Let’s get this out of the way — that belly pops-out earlier, your back hurts earlier, the heartburn comes on earlier. It’s like your body remembers it an is like — oh yeah, we do heartburn with this, let’s get that going, right?
It’s just more. I honestly don’t know if it has to do with #5 in this post, or if it’s just our body has already done it — but it just seemed like all my problems were just enhanced.
Sometimes I just felt like my body hated me. It was sort of mad I was doing it again considering how much upheaval it caused the first time…. But in reality all of it has done it before, and that comes with some plus’s and minuses. Right?
Oh, and while you’re here — let me hang out with you during this pregnancy like a smart friend that always knows what to say:
“Expectations Are Disappointments in Advance”
I read this online the other day. And boy it really rang true for me.
And somehow, like an idiot, my expectations were just higher with #2. I thought my other son would be so excited and sweet to me (instead of asking why my belly was too big he couldn’t sit in my lap).
I thought I’d handle appointments and talking with my provider better — but instead I had the other kid in a stroller and was trying to him him quiet at the same time I talked with my provider.
I honestly just thought I’d do better the second or third time around — and I didn’t. I mean, I guess at some things I did do better — but at many things I did worse.
How do you combat this one? Give yourself grace. You’re growing a human, and raising additional humans. Your partner is also raising additional humans. You’ve got more on your plates. Lower those expectations of both what’s going on, and how you handle it.
Hauling Some Birth Trauma in Your Uterus Too!
Many of you are hauling some thoughts/feelings about birth around with you during this pregnancy. Less unknowns but more “knowns” that may scare you.
Maybe birth wasn’t what you hoped for. For me, my first was forceps due to a bad fetal heart rate. I didn’t have the magical feeling of “pushing” and instead I tore stem to stern and had a miserable recovery.
I literally feared what life would be like after the next baby was born. I’d put off having a baby for a bit because my body was so wounded from that experience and I wasn’t sure I’d know how to handle it.
Of course, between baby #1 and baby #2 I became a labor nurse so then my expectations of myself rose (see my previous heading)… it was just a lot.
SO how do you combat this one? Honestly, it’s tricky.
Maybe you felt triumphant after #1 and you’re feeling a lot of pressure to do the same with this next one. Maybe you went natural but this time they’re thinking about an early induction due to issues. You’re worried it won’t be as great?
OR maybe you felt horrible and miserable after your birth and you’re just hoping it’s all better this time — that you advocate for yourself better, and you are better prepared.
Either way, I think so many of us think we can skip a class because we’ve “done it before” — but can I just say that I find moms who’ve already had kids often find my class to be the MOST helpful — because it literally shows them another way.
They think it HAS to be done way xyz because that’s how they’ve done it before — but maybe there’s a better way, and a little time and attention to it can make it better!
My friend Amy has several kids and took the class. She learned about postpartum anxiety, its signs and how to get help and had a whole different kind of postpartum experience that time. She was able to get help and was so much more successful because of a little knowledge.
All I’m saying is that a birth class can be crazy helpful, in ways you’re not even aware of now.
Oh, and don’t fool yourself into thinking you just need to follow some people on social media because sometimes that can even compound your issues. You really need to get educated beginning to end with something that’s super easy. Like this.
Other Kids
Ok, shocking — you have other kids to deal with.
And I’m going to share my own reality to say that. is. miserable (except when they pick things up that you drop — that part is pretty great). Picking them up and playing with them on the floor and hearing them whine about the wrong kind of cereal just made me sometimes want to die inside.
PLUS I was bringing another person into this world to do the SAME THING TO ME???
Of course, it was also magical and amazing to have my own kids and family but also I was just SO tired and wanted a nap. I would constantly feel like I wasn’t doing enough as I sat them in front of the TV and dozed.
But as I look back the reality was that I did a lot of great things with that lone child. We had so many memories and I did much more playing than I did dozing on the couch (even though it didn’t feel that way). I also had friends and neighbors who took them into the hearts and made a bit more effort with him. It was nice.
And he also maybe realized the entire universe didn’t revolve around him, and we all have to come to terms with that at some point I suppose.
I’m just here to say it’s hard. You wish you could do more, but you just can’t — so you do what you can. That’s Ok. You’re doing great!
And, don’t be afraid to get help — that’s NOT a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of love for humanity that people really are willing to help each other. I promise YOU will be that person some day, just not today. 🙂
While we’re here a few more posts on siblings:
- Bringing Home Baby to Siblings
- Second Baby Checklist: Preparing for the NEXT baby.
- How Old Does a Child Have to be to Babysit
- How far apart should I have my Babies?: Baby spacing
You’re Older
Here’s the thing. I never knew if pregnancy got harder each time, or if it was just that I was older. Ultimately I had my last baby at 33 and that pregnancy was so miserable I looked at women who were 40 getting pregnant and I just thought I didn’t know how their bodies didn’t implode on them.
I’m sure some if it is that my joints had already loosened up with previous deliveries. And some of it was that I was older. And some of it was also dealing with other kids. It’s a compound situation….
And we have to give ourselves grace.
Life is NOT going to look like it did before we were pregnant. That’s OK. Our child is getting a sibling and that’s pretty amazing on its own. That will whole bring a new array of joys and issues into your home.
A lot of parents wonder if they’ll ever be able to love that next baby as much as they did the first. How can you replicate that magic?
I know I wondered that — but I’ve never even thought about it again after I had a second+ baby. You just do. I don’t know how it works, it’s just magic.
One of the best parts is to notice the magic. Notice how your other one helps out a bit more, how the baby is so sweet and soft…. You really have to make extra time to notice the magic when you already have one. It’s still there. You just have to make room for it.
I will say it’s easy to lose track of fetal movement with ALL that is going on but it’s more and more important the older you get — so grab my kick counts cheat sheet right here:
Now, to a few more facts that I know a lot of people wonder:
Will I go into labor earlier?
I honestly don’t see many studies on this. I’ve looked around quite a bit. This one showed you’re more likely to go closer to your due date — but remember this is a study and we don’t know what will happen in YOUR case. Even if it is, the difference is measured in a few days, not a few weeks.
SO, I’d keep expectations low and think you’ll go a bit past your due date…. and whatever happens, happens.
Will labor be easier?
There will likely be less unknowns, and it may be a bit less scary — but those first 6 centimeters usually take similarly as long as the last time.
BUT once you hit 6 cm things tend to pick up speed faster, and if you’ve had a previous vaginal delivery your pushing time will be significantly decreased in my experience. So, that’s good news. 🙂
What you need to know about second+ babies:
Some things will be harder, some will be easier. Mitigating expectations, and getting educated with someone you trust is the key. The good news is this class can be done in just 3 hours and can easily be done a few nights after bedtime for less than 20 minutes with your partner before you fall asleep yourself. So come join me in there.
Want to do a “vibe check” to see if I’m right for you — I have a free chapter in here that might help you know if I’m the right one to help you out. 🙂
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