First Night Home: Why the third night is tough!

What’s up with the third night? Well, for some people this happens on the second night, or even up to the 4th but it’s a night where you just feel like this are falling apart. I think it’s important to prepare families for that night, so they know to expect it and that things will improve afterwards!

YES, babies are tricky. VERY tricky. They seem like they won’t be, since they’re almost just a pile of goo — but knowing about baby care, baby sleep and breastfeeding can put you MILES ahead, which is why included them in the bundle version of The Online Prenatal Class for Couples — if you think you could use a few more skills surrounding baby — come join me in there!

Ok, but what’s up with the third night? As I said some people find this on the second, or 4th — but MOST families say it happens that first night home from a vaginal delivery.

What happens on the 3rd night home?

Well, you’ve gotten into a bit of a routine with the pros around you, then you head home with high hopes that you’ll do just fine!

And then evening comes. Baby cries, and doesn’t love being in the crib — they seem to like being held, but honestly they’re not super happy there too. You look at each other wonder WHAT THE HECK is going on?

Let’s just say that most people find it to be a fairly miserable night at home together — and I want to share a few of the reasons why it happens (because it helped me when I understood it):

Everybody Poops

Baby’s never had to poop before. Honestly, they only have a few jobs in life right now — eating, sleeping and pooping. And that third one just doesn’t come as naturally. They often have to stress and strain (remember, they’re a pile of goo so muscles aren’t really their thing) to get it out. And when it COMES out it’s a thick tarr-y substance that is UGLY and miserable to clean off (and, if you’re like me, you wonder why something that oozes so much would be hard to get out).

They may also have some gas in them, which makes them wildly uncomfortable. Poor li’l dears.

Remember, up until this point you have taken care of baby’s every need:

• Oxygen
• Waste removal (it goes out into your blood stream)
• Feeding them

The literally haven’t had to lift one of their newly created fingers to do a THING, and now they’re in the WORLD and they have to #dothethings, and that makes them uncomfortable, even pooping.

I think when you go in realizing this it really helps you be OK when baby seems uncomfortable or cries a bit.

Pro Tip: Remember, baby’s ONLY method of communication is crying at this point. So if they have ANY issues or needs they need met they cry. It’s not the same thing as US crying — they’re not sad. They are just communicating, so you can listen and try to help or just say — I know “pooping is hard”…. (even though you’d really like to sleep).

And while we’re here, grab this postpartum checklist to get YOU ready as well:

BTW lots of people are trying to avoid pooping at delivery too.

Breastfeeding Isn’t Always Natural

We often act like breastfeeding is like a world where magical fairies help you know just what to do and it all comes so naturally. In the hospital you often have extra hands of nurses or lactation consultants to help you when you feed — but when you’re home all of that falls away.

And I am here to testify that there are NO magical fairies to come help.

You just have to try what you’ve learned so far and make it work for you in a real world environment.

If you’re worried about baby not getting enough — be sure to check out my post on breastfeeding isn’t working for the signs!

Just know it’s going to be tricky those first few days — but that it will get better. I would also recommend making an appointment with a lactation consultant who can give you some tips now that you’re at home and maybe your milk is coming in.

If you want an online consultant I love The Breastfeeding Mama.

BTW, if you’re still pregnant, The Breastfeeding Mama actually teaches a WINNING breastfeeding class in my prenatal class that I think you’ll love. It’s a one-stop shop for birth (and postpartum) prep:

The Rubber Has Hit the Road

You have literally spend MONTHS thinking about what it will be like to hold this baby in your arms and give it all the love in your heart.

But now, it’s time to do that — and that can feel like a lot of pressure.

If you have other kids at home, you also have the chaos they are bringing to the situation (which always made it about 1,000 times worse for me).

You may be thinking you can do this whole thing “perfectly” and putting far too much pressure on yourself, which baby will actually read your stress and it will (somehow) make them even more angry. That can just spiral downward…

So, giving yourself a break and knowing that things are just going to be like this — and it WILL get better can often help you to take that deep breath and move on.

Positive affirmations can help this a lot too (not just for pregnancy/birth):

Here are a few other postpartum articles that might help you out:

• Things To NOT Do After You Have Your Baby
• Taking Care Of Your Bottom & Perineal Care After Delivery
• 5 Ways To Prevent Postpartum Hemorrhage
• Your Post-Baby Plan: Setting Yourself Up for Success in the Fourth Trimester
• 10 Things to Have on Hand After Baby is Born for MOM

Dang Hormones

Right at this same period your hormones are shifting around like crazy. Sure, they’re keeping you from bleeding to death as your uterus collapses on itself — but they’re also making your mind just crazy.

One minute you’re crying because the baby is so beautiful, and the next minute your partner breathes funny and you’re just OVER IT and you want to move out.

Ok, maybe it’s not that bad — but I want you to know that if you saw the graphs of your hormones at this point they are ALL OVER THE PLACE. And God help us all at that point.

I just wish I knew it would happen and it would get better, rather than wallowing in a pit ow my own despair at this point — thinking this is my new life, and I’ve done it to myself! It’s really going to get better.

What can you do about it?

Remember, crying is just communication — not sadness. Baby is sometimes going to be uncomfortable, but you still need to shower and eat. It’s just communication. Make sure needs are met, and make sure YOUR needs are met too. Things to always run through:

• Is baby fed
• Have they burped (not all babies burp, so this may be nonsense)
• Do they have a dirty diaper
• Is their temperature right (are they cold or hot)

Lay off perfection — I always wanted an idyllic scene where siblings just loved that baby and you’re just a quiet, happy family. It’s never been that — I wish I didn’t have that in my mind. My kids were excited I was home, I was so tired and they ran around like feral beasts. And that’s OK. I wish I’d gotten some noise cancelling headphones for that occasion.

Same goes if you don’t have other children at home. Your house doesn’t need to look pristine, it’s going to be sort of ugly the next few days… and that’s OK!

It will be better tomorrow — now, that’s not always true — but you’re going to start to get a handle on things. You might figure out a way that helps baby to poop, or feed easier. You’re going to start learning some tricks and hacks that work for you and YOUR baby. It’s really just baby steps and there is no pun intended there, other than progress is forward (just not as fast as I’d like sometimes).

Get Help — do you have a friend or a relative that is willing to come help? TAKE THEM UP ON IT, and be honest with what you need:

• Can they cook you a meal (or bring in a meal if you’d prefer not to have the cooking mess at your house
• Can they hold baby while you shower
• Can they set up some baby gear for you?
• Can they call to make appointments for you and baby?
• Can they fold some laundry and just talk with you so you remember you’re human?

Be sure to tell them what you need, and hopefully they will rise to the occasion for some of it!

What I’m mostly here to say:

1. This is normal — it isn’t just you and your situation, this happens across the world with new babies
2. It will get better — you can’t imagine it right now, but it will. You’re going to get better at all of this.

And if someone had told me this before I had my baby it would have helped me lay off the stress on myself, so I hope it does that for you.

Getting prepared is amazing. Knowing how things will be in advance makes EVERYTHING easier, which is why I created the easiest birth class out there — The Online Prenatal Class for Couples where we prepare you from bump to bassinet, knowing just what you need to know as you journey into parenthood. Come join me!

Not sure we’re a good fit check out my free class — It’s your first step towards being your own birth boss.