Help with My Teenager Who is Out of control

There’s your child.  You have NO idea what to do, somehow things are falling apart.  You wish you could go back to when they were little and they were just pulling cereal out of the pantry.  The older they are, the more serious the problems are.  And you are lost.  I tend to think that there is a steep trail to help with my teenager who is out of control (the beauty is that these steps work with any age of child), but I find that there are 4 fail-safes to kids.

You know turning off your computer almost always fixes the problem.

So, let’s talk about re-booting your kids.  This won’t fix everything, but they’re starts.  And sometimes the first step is the biggest one to take.

I will say that I most often hear “love them” but sometimes that is really hard when you feel like their life is going down the tube.  These are some concrete ways to “love” them that I can do at any point.  A little less vague.

#1 and the most important, but sometimes the hardest to be able to shove into your life:

One on One Time

Having a child date, even just taking them to the grocery store or at the VERY least, having them in the car with you so you can have a few uninterrupted moments of conversation before they’re off to the next activity.  I have a rule that if I’m driving a child somewhere for their convenience they are not allowed to be on their phone.  Otherwise it’s shoes to the cement. 🙂  One on one time is SO important, but I don’t think you need to feel that you have to plan a special date or an outing (which are great as well).  Some times you can push in one on one time:

• A grocery run
• Running another child somewhere in the car
• Chaperon a school event so you can see them with their friends
• Ask them to help you make a meal

Eye Contact

It’s so easy to listen to your kids while doing 13 other things.  Sure, you ARE listening, but how do THEY know that (and seriously — are you).  Stop, look at their eyeballs with your own eyeballs and hear them.  Ask questions.  Total win for the mom in a quick couple of minutes.

**I am horrible with this.  I think because I ask so many awkward questions at work (Herpes or Chlamydia, anyone?) I have lost the art of staring people in the eye.  I’m working on it — is it tough for you?

A Touch

(the feel of cotton) — anyone else think that when they hear “a touch”

I learned at Band Leadership Training when I was 15 that a simple touch on the shoulder can make a WORLD of difference when you give a compliment.  They remember it, they feel extra special and all it took was a touch on the shoulder.  Go the extra mile — do a back scratch or a hug (we call them huglets with my teen as we don’t do full hugs — they’re just not cool) for the win!

Do Something For Them

If you can do something for them, and I mean JUST for them — tidy up their room, fold their laundry, do one of the jobs that is overwhelming them (and I’m not saying to do this ALL the time, just ask my son – but i do them every now and then and they know it’s “special).  If you do it with the right attitude you can grow in love while you do it and they will feel it when they get home (and you might have to point it out).  If it’s a rare occurrence it’s a true GIFT to those kids.

Serving others doesn’t fail (unless you’re doing it in drudgery).  It may fee like it — but it can make a difference.  Tell them WHY you did it.  In for the win, totally.

Photos from Dollar Photo Club

Those are my 4 fail-safes.  They reboot the child to the point where you can maybe reach them to turn things around.

Love is the key, these are just some steps you can take to show that love.

What are your fail-safes?

**{Smart} Moms is a relative term.  I had to give it a name, but I am the first one to say I’m not smart all the time. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx, I just find it easier when I do.  This series is just a list of things I’ve found to make life easier — not to say — WOOT WOOT, I’m SOooooOOOO smart! {said like Steve Martin}

Check out all my other {smart} moms posts:[pt_view id=”4256a9870e”]