2 Things to Remember for New Siblings

Are you pregnant or have a new baby and that baby has siblings that are also adjusting to life with a new baby? I have two things that pediatricians have always stressed to me and I think they’re good advice that I don’t hear as much. They’re also pretty simple to do, and honestly took a lot of stress off of my load.

Before we get started I know that the transition to postpartum is TOUGH. I had a really tough time myself. I battled a lot of anxiety about the baby, the siblings and more. These were two things that I clung to that helped ease my anxiety. Please make sure you’re taking the time to be nice to YOURSELF. If you have any issues please jot down the number 1-833-TLC-MAMA — they are THERE TO HELP. I wish I had reached out and got more help for myself when I had new babies — but I was always worried about everyone else (but ultimately hurt them by not helping myself).

Ok, jumping off THAT soapbox….

Just a quick reminder that I’m Hilary — many people also know me as The Pregnancy Nurse® in addition to the curly head here at Pulling Curls. I’ve been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of labor and delivery experience. I am also the creator of The Online Prenatal Class for Couples that I have actually seen help TONS of people with their second+ baby — so don’t forget that birth prep is still important no matter what # baby you’re on!

And while you’re here, make sure you have all the postpartum stuff you’ll need (EXTRA easy to forget about this one when you’re a busy mom already) — grab my checklist here:

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Ok, onto the advice….

One on One Time with Mom Still Matters

I know, I know — you feel spent. You’re tired, you’re frazzled and the idea of MORE stuff just makes you want to melt into a puddle of tears. BUT, hear me out.

If my kid knew that every day when baby took their nap after lunch we’d have some time just him and me the rest of the day went better. When he wanted me to look at a book, or watch him do something, I’d say “Buddy I am SO excited to see that at our special time together.”

So, he’d have a pile of an agenda for us to do together. We’d laugh and talk about our big feelings about how busy and tired mom is. But it was just him and me. We were fighting this war on postpartum together.

Now, moms with multiple kids I know you’re glaring at me. I do think this one on one time is important with all kids, but I tried to make the special emphasis for the one who’s not the baby any more. So, the youngest one before baby was born.

While everyone is shifting at your house, they only see their changes. By having this one on one time you’re helping them know it’s just changing and that you still love them and are there for them.

I found behavior for that kid was about 100 times better if I took this time each day. It was WELL worth it.

Note: It is REALLY easy to think the baby is so sweet and special and just RAGE inside at your other kids. Their behavior is often affected by the changes and you’re just wish they’d BEHAVE and act normal! I tried to just remind myself this was normal and the kids were being kids. So, I had to be kind to everyone….

With my postpartum anxiety the wild-ness of kids (I had 2 boys first) was just REALLY overwhelming to me. The running the wrestling — things that were normal for them were suddenly WAY too much for me. So, I made sure to take some breaks from that (let dad or grandma deal with that) and have some quiet time.

But I also made sure to make the time for them too when I could.

Have I mentioned to be kind to yourself? This is all a lot.

While we’re here — I have class called Postpartum Care Made Easy that goes through all the danger signs. It’s totally free, and SO important to know as you’re so busy with other things after baby is born. I can’t recommend it anymore!

One of my biggest tips is to get some special activities for kids. I love KiwiCo Labs as it’s something you can get in the mail and extend the learning together (they have recently changed to “labs” to allows you to extend the learning even more)! Plus, it comes in the mail (which is crazy exciting when you’re a kid)!

Ok, second piece of advice.

The Baby Won’t Get Their Feelings Hurt

Remember, crying is your baby’s only way to communicate their needs to you. IIt’s not the same way that you and I cry — in ways that show we really need help. It’s very different.

So, when baby is crying to be bed and your toddler says they need you to open a Gogurt, you pick the Toddler. The baby won’t get their feelings hurt — but the toddler might (just make sure baby is in a safe space to cry for a few seconds).

Now, obviously, this can be carried too far — but I think as a new mom I always felt frazzled by the crying. It’s like their screaming in my face that they need A DIAPER CHANGE RIGHT NOW. I feel rushed to try and fix whatever is wrong.

As your child ages and uses words and other forms of communication you feel less rushed. BUT, if they were to fall off the swing set and start crying you’d run over there. Get my gist?

Mostly it’s a reminder to not let the baby’s needs overshadow your other kids. It’s really easy to have happen. Your baby is entirely helpless, they can’t do ANYTHING by themselves, so you’re their sole means of support. BUT, they can wait a couple of minutes.

Honestly, my other one’s problem could be fixed in a matter of seconds and then I could focus on baby (with a happy sibling) and it overall produced less anxiety — but my brain didn’t always represent the situation like that to me.

Having multiple kids is hard. It’s amazing, and highly rewarding to see them interact with each other. I will say that watching my kids joke and laugh together is one of my most precious things on earth (it’s one of the things I love most about going to Disneyland). However, it’s taken a while to get here. Much like all good things, it takes time.

But, now it’s back to you mama. You matter. Your thoughts, your needs and mental health matter. You’re important and I love that you’re trying to do better with your family. That shows effort on your part. Hugs to you mom of multiples. You’ve got this!

And, I gotta make a plug for how important a birth class can be on your second baby. I know it can seem like “you’ve got this” — but previous experiences, changes in medical status with being older, etc — it’s just smart to get prepared again. SO many moms love my basic course for baby #2+ — and the price fits their budget. 🙂 Join the Online Prenatal Class for Couples Here.

Not sure we’re a good fit check out my free class — It’s your first step towards being your own birth boss.