This post will share some of the most common pregnancy fears and face them head-on with some good information from a labor nurse of 20 years.  Fears during pregnancy don’t help you enjoy the fact that you’re creating a human!

Did you know that your diaphragm rises and your rib cage expands while you’re pregnant?  Otherwise, you wouldn’t get enough oxygen for yourself and the baby.  So, even though you feel out of breath, you’d be in a way worse way if that didn’t all happen.  And it JUST HAPPENS. You don’t have to worry about it!

And yet, there are a million things pregnant women worry about.  Here are the top pregnancy fears that I’ve heard in the thousands of deliveries I’ve been in, along with some good information to help put your mind at rest.

If you’ve never been to Pulling Curls before, you might wonder why me, the creator of this blog, would have some thoughts about pregnancy fears?

First off, hello! I’m Hilary — many people know me as The Pregnancy Nurse 👩‍⚕️. I have been a nurse since 1997 and I have 20 years of OB nursing experience, I am also the curly head behind this website Pulling Curls and The Online Prenatal Class for Couples. 🩺​ I’ve helped thousands of families have their babies, so I’m a great resource on this:

I also have some easy, natural ways to help your pregnancy anxiety.

Top Pregnancy Fears

Before we get into the fears — let me tell you that I am a BIG believer on information squashing fears.

BUT, with pregnancy there is SO MUCH STUFF on the internet, which is why I’m a huge fan of this class.  On your own schedule, written by a highly experienced L&D nurse.  I just don’t think you can get much better. 

BTW, I did a whole study on pregnancy fears on my sister site, and I chatted about labor fears on my podcast:

Fear of tearing during childbirth

Yes, as the baby comes out the area between your vagina and your rectum might tear (that’s called a laceration) or be cut by your doctor (that’s called an episiotomy).  If you want more info on it, I have a whole post about tearing at delivery.

Here’s the good news: I think doctors (the majority of them) have stopped cutting an episiotomy routinely.  It just doesn’t need to happen.  When I started 15 years ago, women were not as lucky.

Other good news:  Your doctor will know what their episiotomy rate is.  You can ask him/her.

The bad news:  There really isn’t anything you can do about it.  Yes, I’ve heard about:

• Tea (I don’t get this one at all, I’m not sure how tea in your last month is going to help tissue you’ve been developing for years)
• Perineal massage (verdict is out if this helps or possibly even hurts)
• Stretching maneuvers (let me just be clear that it is VERY unlikely you’ll have anything that can stretch you as a baby will, and if you do – you won’t be doing yourself any favors)
• Hot/Cold Compresses — I definitely got good at knowing which I thought would work for moms…. but you need an experienced practitioner to apply it at the right time.

The majority of the time it is based on

1.  Your doctor’s skill and patience.  Yes, I’ve seen doctors cut episiotomies to get the baby out faster.  I find this entirely unacceptable.  Also, there is an art to applying enough pressure to the head to allow the tissues to stretch vs putting too much pressure that might make the tissues tear more or differently.
2. The baby’s head size/positioning.  You should’ve checked head size before you slept with that guy.  No, not that head size. 😉 {a little labor nurse humor}
3. Your tissue type.  Some women’s tissue just doesn’t hold together down there.  It’s like they disintegrate.  Nothing we can do about that.

Also, if you’re on a 2nd or more pregnancy, you need to realize that once you’ve torn once, you’re likely to tear again.  Think of it like a piece of cloth that has a nip out of it already and how that decreases the strength.

The final good news:  It is WAY worse to think about than it is to have it happen.  If it does happen, your doctor will numb you up (or your epidural will still be working) and stitch you back together.  That is done by your OB, not a plastic surgeon (true story, I’ve been asked for a plastic surgeon by a patient before).

There are tons of ways to help it heal and feel better.  Check out my post called Postpartum Comforts with lots of good ideas for your perineal pleasure.  Wait, that sounded bad…. #nursejokes

ALSO, this class has 2 full lessons on what to expect after baby that give lots of tips on healing and coping with life after baby.

Fear of pooping on the table

The good news:  If you go into natural labor, it is likely your body will clear your digestive tract to make way for the baby (check out this post if you have questions like Am I In Labor?)

The bad news:  If you get induced, your body doesn’t really have as much warning to do that.  Also, crap happens.

The real news:  You can not clench your rectum (which is where poop comes out, in case your mom never used medical terminology with you) and have a relaxed vagina to let a baby come out.  They’re the same muscles. I have a whole post on my sister site about avoiding pooping at delivery.

In order to push the baby out, you just have to let crap happen.

And, I would guess in about 75% of my vaginal deliveries, people poop on the table.  It’s just how it is!

The best news:  Your nurse could literally not care less about this.  Yes, sometimes I feel bad for the patient, but I wipe you up and we keep pushing.  If your partner mentions it — I kick them.  We continue pushing.  Somehow, when the baby comes out, everyone forgets and is so excited for that sweet new baby.

No one cares.  And if you’re still caring, I have a whole post on Pregnant Chicken just on this topic.

Fear of death during childbirth — either myself and/or the baby

Yup, that’s going to be your fear for the remainder of your life.  Your biggest one.

Let me tell you that hope can carry you through a lot of parenthood.  The hope that your baby will be fine, the hope that he’ll walk and run, the hope that he’ll potty train, the hope that he’ll graduate high school without you killing him.

And, the hope that you’ll be around to see all of it.

Hope can do an awful lot.  And the real-life situation here is that hope will have to suffice in this situation.

The good news is that 90% of babies come out completely fine, you could have had them on the side of the road and gone back home.  99% of the rest of them will only need a small amount of care that can easily be provided in the hospital.

The best news is that by having your baby in the hospital that is the safest choice for them.  We run drills, we train and that baby is ours in those moments.  We are 100% invested in your safety.

Pro Tip:  Make SURE you’re doing kick counts, as that is a simple thing YOU can do!

Also, getting proper prenatal care is the best thing you can do for you and your baby at this point.

And then there’s hope.  You’ll need lots and lots of hope in the coming years. 🙂

And of course, getting educated on what to expect can really expel a lot of the fears you have.  That’s why I love this online prenatal class,!

If you’re not quite ready for the whole thing — check out the free beginning class: