What I Built My Family On

I loved to play dollies when I was a little kid.  I loved dressing them up, and brushing their hair.  I liked having them all talk together and play school.  However, when I got the point of babysitting on my own — I wasn’t too keen.  In fact, inside I was screaming that this was not something I wanted to do.  I didn’t like that they didn’t listen, I didn’t like the dirt trails or the sound levels around them.

I got married when I was 21.  I had found the love of my life in my ward and I was ready to make a big decision.  In retrospect I probably didn’t think about what a HUGE choice it was.  Sure, I never thought I’d get divorced, but I thought it would be easier than it turned out to be.  My husband and I have never been the couple to say that marriage is easy.  I had a hard first year, after which I graduated and that eased things a bit.

Then there was the constant pressure of children in the back of our minds.  I’m Mormon.  I was born to multiply and replenish the earth.  On the other hand, I worked for a pediatrician and had no stars in my eyes about how easy parenting was going to be.  I knew that was a battle to be waged on all fronts.

So, we waited.

I had no idea who I was when I graduated from nursing school.  I had been in school for 18 years, with very little let up.  Who was I, and what do I like to do?  Who do I like to be with?  What do I think about things?  For once in my life I wasn’t being told what to do — just was myself.

When I was a sophmore at BYU — 2015, the church read the Proclamation on the Family during the Women’s Broadcast.  The truths that document holds have changed my life forever.  I ended-up girding my loins and having children.  I was right.  It is a constant battle for me.  I am not a person who bends easily to other’s wants and needs.  My reality now is that 3 people’s (sometimes 4) wants and needs come before mine constantly.

Here are 5 ways the Proclamation on the Family has changed me:

1.  I work part time.  In the shadow of Drew’s job search is the fact that I could make good money if I worked full time.  I have done it before.  During the summer I tend to pick up a lot of hours.  The reality is that families function (and I can only speak to our own family, as well as families I have witnessed in great detail — I am well aware that there are moms who do a WONDERFUL job working full time, or more!) best when the mom is able to stay home as much as she can.  We don’t have a boat, and we don’t have a summer vacation home.  We have a mortgage and we stay in a very reasonable budget, but our reality is that I need to work a small amount to make that budget.  I also work on this blog, but it is more easily bendable to the needs of my family.  I feel very blessed to have it.

2.  I believe that families are best when they have a mom and a dad.  Now wait, I know some of you are getting your ire up.  I’m saying I believe that is best.  I don’t say that it can’t be done well other ways.  I will say that I have considered divorce a few times in my adult life.  Again, marriage is hard for us.  But, I look at those 3 kids and wonder what kind of a life they would have if I made that decision.  I know for some people it is the right choice and they do amazingly well making do without the model I think is the best.  I believe that same gender families can also raise bright, well adjusted kids.  I just think the perfect model is a mom and a dad.

{photo below is from a recent session with Denise Beatty Photography — be on the lookout for a post about her soon!)

3.  God gave us families.  It’s how he shows his love.  God sent us to earth.  It is a scary journey, but it is MY JOB as their parent, to show them what love is.  They need to know my love is unconditional, just as God’s is.  When I am left completely clueless for the dumb-ness of my children, I ask myself what God would do.  How would he teach me, and how would I hope that he would feel about me?

4.  I have mothers for generations of time standing behind me and rooting me on.  Again, during the trial that this possible move has brought to me — I stand steadfast with women from generations behind me, reminding me that I can do this.  They remind me of the many difficult things that my ancestors have done things much harder.  I hope to do a blog post, someday, about my grandmother.  I feel her often, and she was a woman who took what life brought her, which was NOT easy, with a great deal of joy and laughter.  If I can have just an ounce of her in me, I will be fine.  Drew and I were sealed in the same temple that several generations were sealed at.  Our family is forever.

“Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.” — from The Family: A Proclamation to the World

5.  Family Life — and how we spend our time.

Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. — from The Family: A Proclamation to the World

Honestly, I think that encompasses all of it.  If children were raised in homes in which these things were at the forefront, can you imagine the decrease in jail time, less time for teachers having to deal with issues, the resource drain that non-adjusted kids place on our system?  When I am lost as to what to do with my kids, how to build them on a firm foundation — I am brought back to these principles.

The reality is that I heard this document the first time in college.  It shapes me today.  It is what I built my family on.  Right now I’m thinking that I need to finish this post soon, so I can be available for my kids.  Kids I may have never had without solid foundations and teachings.  A large part of the happiness I have each day is based from the principles I’ve shared here.  What solid principles guide your family?  Share them below!

{I will ask for a respectful discussion about families below — families come in all shapes and sizes, and I do believe the unconditional love of an adult for a child is a blessing in whatever form it comes in}  I reserve the right to delete any comments I find to malicious or disrespectful in nature.