Let It Go

All through our job hunt something I’ve really struggled with is that my son goes to the same high school that my husband left.  While it may not have been my #1 choice to have him continue attending there, it was up to him, and that is what he chose.  My husband left his job for a variety of reasons, and I have a lot of bitter feelings towards that job.  I was carrying a backpack of giant rocks every time I went there. Rocks full of hate and anger.

And yet, there I am taking him to football games, getting invitations to the band booster meetings and I just want to scream.

Whenever I am on campus I want to scream.

Now, I would hope that most of you don’t have hard feelings towards your child’s school… but I bet there is something in your life that you just want to run around and scream about.

When we left California I think I probably had similar feelings.  BUT, we left and we left those feelings there.  Time has made me forget and I have really happy memories of being there.

I went to my son’s concert about a month ago and all those feelings got caught up in my chest.  I felt so alone, and mad, angry, upset and like God had completely forgotten us.  I felt like my new situation as breadwinner and doer of all was a forever situation and I needed to just suck it up and deal with it.

{cue me wanting to run around and scream}

And that night I realized I need to let it go.  I am only hurting myself by hating them.  I  need to be a team with my son’s school.  I am such a strong proponent of education, this was really cutting me too deep.  I wasn’t able to recover by holding onto this.

So, I started envisioning just really positive things about the school, and the people there.  Reminding myself of all that they do there, day in and day out.  I felt really silly doing it.  The thing is, with this — I couldn’t walk up to someone and say “I forgive you, let’s move on” — it was like a place and people and things.  I hated nouns. 🙂

So, I had to just do it mentally.  And I think I am there, or close to it.

And it is freeing.

And it’s all about me.  I was the one it was hurting.  I was the one with the hard heart.

Me.

And so I had to fix it.

I am a person of deep religious faith and I know I couldn’t do this on my own.  I believe in the atonement of Jesus Christ.  I believe that he died for our sins, but – it is more than that.  He suffered all things so we wouldn’t have to.  He will take those away if we just ask and do a bit of the pushing of those feelings.  He will take that backpack of rocks and gladly wear it for us.  He recycles those rocks into more joy in our life.  He is amazing.

Is there something in your life that you’re just holding on to? You pretend like you can get over it or it’s not really your problem?  I’d encourage you to let it go.  do whatever you can to turn those negative feelings into either positive ones, or even ones with no bias.  You will be the smart mom, the better mom.  It will make you new.

Be like Elsa, and let it go.

Do you have a story of letting something go?  Tell me about it in the comments, email me or message me on Facebook.  I think the freeing feeling of letting something go is unmatched.  It really takes all those rocks out of the backpack you carry around and then it’s just time to dance.

**{Smart} Moms is a relative term.  I had to give it a name, but I am the first one to say I’m not smart all the time. I have carried my fair share of rocks in a backpack, I just find it easier when I let it go.  This series is just a list of things I’ve found to make life easier — not to say — WOOT WOOT, I’m SOooooOOOO smart! {said like Steve Martin}

Check out all my other {smart} moms posts:[pt_view id=”4256a9870e”]